Idol Speculation

I am going to write about American Idol, but you should know I am only doing it because the world is going to end in a few hours. If life were going on, I’d be self-conscious about admitting I’ve paid attention to Idol. But, as full-age ads in the USA Today have proclaimed this week, along with billboards and even a plane towing a sign yesterday over downtown Grand Rapids, today is Judgment Day. It’s also my son Jesse’s birthday, so we’re spending our last few hours on earth celebrating with Jesse. I plan to spend extravagantly and charge it all on a credit card.

Judgment Day raises a number of questions for me. Do the people in Europe who read my blog know the world is ending today? And what are you going to do, because apparently the trouble is supposed to start at 6pm Pacific time, which is technically tomorrow for you? Who knew that God would encode a message in the Bible thousands of years ago about the date and time of the apocalypse and use a US time zone? Wouldn’t Jerusalem time seem more appropriate?

I’m also wondering if the rapture does happen, will Christians like me who don’t believe the Bible says there will be a rapture get taken? Or will I be left behind with the wicked and unbelieving simply because of my poor theology? I guess I’ll find out later tonight.

You might also be amused to know that I heard yesterday May 21 is significant to the guy predicting the end of the world and paying millions of dollars to warn others, because apparently on May 21 some 40 or 50 years ago he was banned from teaching in the Christian Reformed Church. Those of you in West Michigan know the CRC, but for the rest of the world a good definition might be that the Christian Reformed Church is an actual church led by serious people, not wackos.

Anyhow, on to American Idol. I don’t watch it. Never have. But someone in my house got hooked on it this year and, vicariously, I’ve seen and heard enough to know a few things.

What I know is that Scotty will win.

What I also know is that American Idol seems one of the worst possible ways to become an American idol. People become famous (for a while) from that show, but who has Idol launched to a legitimate career? Everyone will say “Carrie Underwood,” which is accurate, but Idol is in its tenth season, which means they are batting .100.

A couple of days ago Haley was eliminated. Her candidacy to be an American idol points out everything wrong with the show. She sang a Led Zeppelin song this week with her dad on stage playing guitar. It was sweet. And that’s the problem. Name a great rock band that performed with their parents. No, the Partridge Family doesn’t count. John Lennon didn’t have parents by the time he was Haley’s age. Jim Morrison’s parents had disowned him. That’s where the angst in their music came from. Haley’s voice has apparently been compared to Janis Joplin’s, but I’m trying to imagine a 20-year-old Janis Joplin appearing on American Idol. She’d come on drunk, swear, try to seduce Ryan Seacrest, and get tossed off. While I don’t condone that sort of behavior, that’s what made her a rock star. To win on American Idol, you have to be bland enough to appeal to the 95 million who voted this week. (Don’t worry that Obama didn’t get 95 million votes in the last election. Most of the voters for Idol aren’t old enough to vote in presidential elections.) After she sang the Zeppelin song, Haley even said, “We got the Led out,” which is what vacuous classic rock DJ’s say every time they play Led Zeppelin on a two-fer Tuesday. AARRGGHH!

Look at it this way -- how would Lady Gaga (who is an American idol) have fared as a contestant on that show?

A story is circulating that Keith Richard was supposed to do something on Idol and deferred, recommending Justin Bieber as his replacement. That says it all.

Sorry if Idol is your guilty pleasure and I’m pooh-poohing it. Hopefully, the world ends tonight and we never have to decide between 16-year-old Lauren and 17-year-old Scotty. If it doesn’t, one way or another I’ll find out who wins – because, although Idol is no way to become a rock star, it’s formula makes for addictive television, and I know it will be on in my house.