What Might Happen if you Watch "All-American Muslim."

A group called the Florida Family Association wants to make sure I don’t watch a show on TLC called All-American Muslim. They needn’t worry about me, because the show is on TLC. (Maybe if it were on ESPN, but TLC . . . ?) They are so worried about me watching it that they’ve inspired advertisers – most notably Lowe’s -- to quit sponsoring it because of the show’s controversial nature. I’m not sure why Lowe’s has been singled out – according to the Florida Family Association, 65 advertisers have quit the show, including Home Depot. So back off Lowe’s, people!

What’s so controversial about All-American Muslim? According to the Florida Family Association: “The show profiles only Muslims that appear to be ordinary folks while excluding many Islamist believers whose agenda poses a clear and present danger to liberties and traditional values that the majority of Americans cherish.” That’s right; the program is controversial because it shows some Muslims being ordinary folks.

There’s no telling what might happen if people thought some Muslims were ordinary folks.

Here’s a show I want to propose for TLC. It’s called All-American Christian and it shows Christians as ordinary folks, instead of people whose agenda poses a clear and present danger to the liberties and traditional values of anyone who believes something different than they do.

Last week I defined Uneasy Evangelicals as Christians who feel compelled to apologize for the behavior of other Christians. Let me say “I’m sorry” about the Florida Family Association. Of course, they are Christians. You probably could tell that because they use the word “family” in their name. Let me also apologize for the Christian co-opting of the word “family.” Sorry single people. Sorry nuns and monks and priests. Sorry Jesus. Sorry Modern Family. (By the way, in case you couldn’t guess, The Florida Family Association doesn’t like Modern Family, either. I do. It’s funny. But I digress.)

Here are some other things the Florida Family Association wants to protect us from. I’m sorry about their stance on these, too:

• Gays serving openly in the military
• Socialistic entitlement of taking money from those who work hard and giving it to those who don’t
• Hyping up environmental dangers for the taking of private property and over restriction of natural resources
• A regressive economy and lower quality of life versus harvesting America’s abundant energy resources

Remember that time in the New Testament when Jesus stood on up on a little hill and said what he did about hating gays and people of other religions and the poor and told us that the goal of life is to be wealthy and that the reason the world was created was so that we could exploit it for our own benefit? Remember that time when he told that story about a guy who was beaten and robbed by a Muslim and left for dead by the side of the road and a gay man and a lesbian both walked around him and didn’t help him but a happily married Christian millionaire in the oil business found him and helped him? Yeah, me neither.